A Crumbled Cookie.

Stuck in Wonderland

2007-05-10T18:29:42Z

Boo!
OMG. I haven't been in LJ in forever!!!
I am sorry if you all feel neglected; I promise to pay more attention from now on.
It's just that I've been so busy with rehearsals, I haven't had much time to go online and update.

Yes. Rehearsals.
I got cast in the Bangkok performance of Alice in Wonderland!!! 0=D
I feel so blessed and so lucky to have gotten the opportunity to experience something as grand as this.
Never in my life would I have imagined myself in a play this huge, playing a very well-known character.
I was cast as The Queen of Hearts; can you believe it??? 0:)
Rehearsals have been on for a while now and I literally scream all of my lines ["OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!"] but I've learned a lot and am enjoying every minute of it.
The director already spoke to me about future performances. He suggested I audition for A Christmas Carol later this year, and Aladdin next summer. I am sooo excited!!!

I've had this incredible passion for acting ever since I was a kid. I remember playing both the Prince and the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella renditions with my big sister. And whenever her friend would come over, they'd be the evil stepsisters and boss me around. When that happened, we somehow never reached the part to when Cinderella actually became a princess. Hmmm. Yes, I was bullied by my sister as a kid.

But look at me now.
The Queen of Hearts, in all her bullying glory.
Who would've thunk? 0;)

Ch-ch-changeeeees.....

2007-03-05T14:46:47Z

I've been pretty busy [it's finals week, but I'm online..... yippee!] and due to the stress, I've been making several decisions in a row that truly required some guts.
Let me share with you today what I'd like to call Decision Number One.

Does stress mess with your head so much that it makes you do crazy things?

Coz guess what?
After six years of having pretty much the same hairstyle [i.e. long and boring], I decided to cut it. Yesh, yesh.

Comments greatly appreciated!
0:)

What do you think?
Honestly?
I can take the truth.
Try me.

A friend of mine got a lil cranky [lol..... I love you, Emeri!] coz apparently, it's close to the look she wanted, i.e. Anne Hathaway in Devil Wears Prada. [I've never seen it!]
But in reality, it's just something I thought up myself.
I wanted a completely new look with all sorts of different strange things: a fringe, layers, and oh, in the back, my hair is still up to my bum-crack. 0:) I wasn't ready to go crazy and let it all go just yet. Lol.

Since I had my hair cut two weeks ago, two girls have already copied it. *cough*BITCHES*cough*
I hate copycats.....

Not-So-Innocent Seven-Year-Old

2007-02-17T15:50:03Z

On the top of a neglected bookshelf, I came across a journal that I kept back in 1994.
I skimmed through it and then came upon the most fascinating, part-humiliating, part-amusing entry I've read of mine in a looong time. I don't even remember writing it.

A few months before turning seven, I had a list of celebrities I "would love to shag". Shag. Who says that, really?
Below the cut, have a laugh or two.

Everything in brackets are comments of mine today.
Everything else is copied verbatim from my '94 journal.

"I don't really know why I'm writing this. Maybe it's because one day I will want to show my kids what I liked when I was younger."
[Younger. Lol. I could've said 'when I was a kid'. Lol.]
"Or maybe it will serve as a guard line for my future husband."
[I meant 'guideline'.]

"Rob Lowe is so so so so so hot. He has a very nice body and he is also [ HUGE CENSOR HERE! *ahem*]."

"I think Andrew McCarthy is very cute, but also has a bad boy side, which I find quite endearing."
['Endearing' was a big word for me. Although I have no idea why the hell I liked this guy. And bad boy? Since when?]

"I am going to marry Tom Cruise."
[Some time during the time I wrote that, Katie Holmes probably said the same thing. At least one of us got him. Sigh.]

"I think Brad Pitt is a very good actor. If I have a son, I am naming him Tristan."
[That was Brad's name in Legends of the Fall.]
"I wish I could be Lonette...... [continued below]"
[Who's Lonette? I had to research this. It's the cartoon that Brad was 'with' in Cool World.]

"......because if I were a 'toon, I could shag Jessica Rabbit, too."

"I heart Mark Hamill and his lightsaber."
[Oooo. That says far too much. Hahaha.]

"If I were Mrs. McFly, [Michael J. Fox's mother in Back to the Future], I would do him while he was unconscious on my bed. Hehe."
[OMG. What seven-year-old ~~says~~ writes stuff like that???]

"Phoebe Cates has the sweetest smile, not to mention a nice body. She reminds me of Veronica Lodge. I really like her body. I rewind her pool scene lots of times [in Fast Times of Ridgemont High]. Is that normal for a girl?"

"And while talking of girls, I also like Demi Moore a lot. But with her, it's a different like. I don't like looking at her body the way I look at Phoebe Cates. I want to be Demi Moore. I cut my hair like hers in Ghost once and we have the same voice, almost. She's perfect."
[Now that I'm older and she's with Ashton, I want to be her even ~~Moore~~ more!]

"I know everyone I mentioned so far are much older than me. So, if we're being realistically here, then I'd go for Mikey from The Goonies."
[I think I thought actors didn't age. Haha. Coz Sean Astin's, like 16 years older than me or something. Lol. But he was pretty cute in that movie.]

So I didn't mention a lot of people up there that I remember loving-loving-LOVING when I was younger.
There was Mark Wahlberg, when he was still Marky Mark in Fear. I wanted to be Reese on the rollercoaster. Rawr.
Then there was Mark Owen from the boyband Take That, before I realized "oh, he's gay!"
Chris O'Donnell as Robin in his tights.
And there was James Dean before I realized he was dead. Like I said, I thought these celebs never aged. Lol.
And there was that kid Omri Katz in the movie Hocus Pocus.

Gosh, I was a horny kid.
"I wonder if I will ever get to shag any of those people," I concluded. "And if I do, is it bad to do it with so many people? I wonder how many girls Papa has slept with."
[Why would I wonder that? Gross. Seriously, I grew up with issues.]

Of Horses and Men

2007-01-30T16:24:02Z

Since ribuloseand ack_attack have posted an entry on this, I thought: Why not me, too?

There is such a thing as necrophilia, sex with corpses [yes, those rotten ugly things that occasionally turn into zombies and roam the earth], which Arnold Schwarzenegger has officially banned from Los Angeles not too long ago.
And then there's the more common homophilia, sex with members of the same sex, which is more acceptable nowadays than they were in Cuba during Reinaldo Arenas' time [Side note: I can't believe Castro is still alive. DIE ALREADY!!! ]
And then there is zoophilia, which is most commonly done with dogs (or so I've heard) and sometimes chickens.
But sometimes, it is also done with donkeys [watch Clerks 2] and sometimes, even horses, of which the following cut would be a prime example.

No, it's not the title of Rowling's seventh book [that one's called Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows]. Nor is it the title of a mock Potter book or movie.
It is what I personally call Daniel Radcliffe's latest project, which is in reality a play called Equus, written by Peter Shaffer.

I ask, now: Does that turn you on? 0;)

Well, then..... [-click on me-]
But don't die of shock!

I used to think Daniel Radcliffe was this generation's Elijah Wood, and Tom Felton was this generation's Macaulay/Macauley(?) Culkin.
You gotta admit: Tom's done a great job at vanishing from the limelight like Culkin did. But, although lil Danny boy may look exactly like Elijah, they certainly have different priorities in life.
Elijah may have screwed other hobbits [and, possibly, a dwarf, en Elf, and a few men] in his life, but I didn't see him getting it on with Shadowfax.

What has happened to you, Harry?
You will never defeat Voldemort if you continue screwing his Ringwraith's horses!

Wait..... forget that last bit. I got confused..... again.

Ah, well. With Danny's feminine characteristics and paleness that matches that poor horse's whiteness, I'm sure he'll produce some fine centaurs for the world to see.

Music Whore

2007-01-29T06:51:02Z

Currently bored to death, waiting for my Business Math class to start in about half an hour.
Thank God for LJ and its save-me-from-boredom thing that first Friendster, and then MySpace had not too long ago.

I really wish I had brought my laptop today so I can at least download music from Limewire and be happy.....

Speaking of music, I am currently on the lookout for non-MTV-infested, original, extremely good music of no particular genre.
So, if you know any, please do send them my way. I'm a music whore. I love [almost] anything (Jazz and Country is a no-no!).

My music tastes range from Incubus to David Bowie to the Backstreet Boys (lol), so anything would seriously be appreciated.
Preferably, a particular album that I can download (if all the songs are good) or specific songs. Yay! 0:)
Something to look forward to on my LJ later today.

Save this music lover, people!

A Box of Sharp Objects..... what a beautiful day.

2007-01-28T08:29:01Z

So, say you were meeting a new person — blind date, new friend, who knows. And you wanted them to have some idea of what kind of person you are, and who you are.

But you can't actually tell them in so many words.

Instead, you have to give them a box, with a dozen things in it for them to look at / read / listen to / taste / whatever.

What would you put in the box?

[NOTE: A copy of your journal or a link to your website would be the same thing as just telling them directly, yourself, so that's not allowed.]

[1] Glow by J.Lo

[2] Incubus' Make Yourself CD

[3] A lava lamp

[4] Starbucks Caramel Java Chip Frappuccino (size: venti)

[5] A collection of Shakespeare's sonnets

[6] Seasons 1-7 of Sex and the City

[7] A small Poohbear stuffed toy

[8] Kinder Ueberraschung [i.e. Surprise] eggs (with the chocolate)

[9] A poster of David Bowie: Aladdin Sane

[10] My worn-out, semi-broken skateboard

[11] A copy of American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

[12] A jar of glow-in-the-dark stars

So, after all that.....
Now, do you know me?

It's surprising how much certain items can say without words.
I feel like I just put my entire life into that one lil [imaginary] box.

I think I'm going to bury a time capsule with those dozen things in it. Yes. I definitely am.
Well, ok. Not bury it, but keep it in the deepest recesses of our cellar and then have my future kids open it.
Yay. I'm so excited! 0:)

Ad Astra

2007-01-24T10:04:52Z

Stolen from riddled

The rules:
[1] - List your top 10 celebrity crushes.
[2] - Put all of them IN ORDER of your lust for them. (10 to 1, 1 being my number one fixation)
[3] - Say which movie/show/thing it was that hooked you.
[4] - Say which movie/show/thing is your favorite now.
[5] - Supply photos for said people.

Wow, I must say, first and foremost, that this was a very hard task.
I have so many celebrity crushes, it was hard to just cut them down to a measley ten. Sigh.
But here are the final ones I chose. Sorry for cutting the others out. Tribute to you below the cut, though! 0:)

[ TENTH PLACE ] - GAEL GARCIA BERNAL

He got me with Y Tu Mama Tambien. Rawr. And that's still my favorite movie of his.
I just wanna eat him up!!! In every movie he has, he's got a sex scene (except Babel) and just..... rawr!
SO HOT!!!

[ NINTH PLACE ] - COLIN FARRELL

He is just extremely yummy-looking. He's rugged, he's gorgeous, and he's got an I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude that just drives me nuts. He smokes everywhere and he's got the most amazing accent in the world. You gotta just love the Irish!
He got me in his sex video with Nicole Narain (no joke!) and then again with his THS (True Hollywood Story) on E!
Now I just absolutely adore him in American Outlaws♥.

[ EIGHTH PLACE ] - CHRISTIAN BALE

What got me? Seriously?
He first got me in Pocahontas. Yes, the Disney cartoon. I loved Thomas and wanted to see what he looked like. Out popped Mr. Bale.
After that, I saw Empire of the Sun and thought the kid looked familiar. Again, Mr. Bale.
And then came American Psycho, which is my absolute favorite, as you can see on my MySpace. Lol.

[ SEVENTH PLACE ] - KATE BOSWORTH

I fell in like with Kate in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. She was the Barbie I had played with in my childhood years and her smile. Oh wow, her smile.
Why she ever dated Orlando Bloom is beyond me.
I watched her in Blue Crush and she wow-ed me again. And I must say, her wearing white, and getting wet in the ocean. Garrr.

[ SIXTH PLACE ] - JOHN CORBETT

I loved him in Sex and the City and still love him there.
I can't say I'm totally in like with this guy, though, coz he doesn't really do much in the celebrity business. I mean, sure, he has his own band and has been in a few movies, but SatC is just it. And that's enough to put him on this list.

[ FIFTH PLACE ] - BRANDON BOYD

Of course, what would this list be without the token musician (Corbett excluded)?
Drive. 'Nuff said.

[ FOURTH PLACE ] - ANGELINA JOLIE

If you're looking for perfection, look for Angelina Jolie.
Her lips, her eyes, her body, her attitude, she's all that.
Admittingly, I never liked Anj before. Strangely, I didn't get totally into her until I saw her in Alexander. In the crappiest movie of 2004, she was the one who shined. And I would've given anything to be Alexander, grab my mother and push her onto the bed.
When the obsession caught in, I saw Original Sin. And I must say she was forgeous!

[ THIRD PLACE ] - MATT DAMON

My top three will probably be the most shocking and unexpected of all.
Matt Damon is here because he is Matt Damon. Besides owning my favorite male name, he speaks German flawlessly, he's done different genres of movies, he sings like a bird, he mimics people, and he acts sooo well. Talented Mr. Ripley was it for me. And talented he was. Very much.
Of course, The Departed is now my favorite Matt movie, but there are also the Kevin Smith movies (although Affleck always tries to overshadow him) and the Bourne trilogy and of course, Eurotrip.

[ SECOND PLACE ] - EWAN MCGREGOR

By now, it is pretty obvious that I'm a sucker for accents and singers.
That's where Ewan comes in. Moulin Rouge gave me hope for the future and made me believe in love for the first time. Ewan was a part of that.
And then, he evolved into an amazing Obi Wan soon thereafter (first Star Wars he did sadly sucked) and I saw Trainspotting and Velvet Goldmine (which is related to my number one celebrity crush). And oh yes, I've seen his dick a gazillion times.
"I think it's unfair that women always get naked in movies. I want to do my part," he once said in an interview on E!
What's not to love?

[ FIRST PLACE ] - DAVID BOWIE

Don't die. I know you saw it coming.
Labyrinth forever.

Of course, I have thousands more celeb crushes.
And for the list, the following yummies were considered, as well:

~ Panic! at the Disco's Brendon Urie - he resembles Gael, so I decided to take him off
~ Richard Gere - I thought David Bowie should be the token lolo.....
~ 30 Seconds to Mars' Jared Leto - .....and Brandon Boyd should be the token musician (Corbett excluded)
~ Jude Law and Johnny Depp - too predictable
~ Tom Cruise - he married Katie instead of me, so I struck him off
~ John Cusack - taking him off pained me the most. We were married once, after all.

I swear there's nothing wrong

2007-01-17T16:41:54Z

I have never before in my life seen a single episode of American Idol. Ever.
In fact, my only knowledge of the show comes from what I hear from various people, like:
~ Fantasia was awesome (who the hell?)
~ Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken were winners (or finalists... whatever) of the show
~ Will Hung, that ugly, nay, hideous man got a record deal after auditioning [Go figure!]
~ Guy Sebastian was in Australian Idol

But after seeing the hilarious trailer of try-hard wannabes on Star World last night, of which my mother could fit in perfectly, I decided I just had to see the pilot.
So I did.

[ If anyone knows this guy's name, pls do let me know.
I loved him sooo much! He had that whole raspy Hinder voice going. *swoon* ]

And he sang one of my favorite songs from Fuel:

Had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."

Spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace
Smeared the lipstick on her face
Slammed the door and said, "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."

[ Admittingly, he wouldn't quite fit into the American Idol thing, though.
He should start a hot rock band. Oh yehhh.
Number One Fan right here, cutie! 0;) ]

All in all, humiliaton was an understatement.
There was this girl who copied the lion from The Wizard of Oz while she sang. Like, WTF.
And this guy who juggled while singing. His voice was sooo bad and OMG, he even danced! Like Kyle in Roadtrip! I didn't know people actually danced like that in real life. Jesus.

My, my.
Seems like I've missed out on a lot on those past five American Idols.
I haven't actually seen anyone I'd root for (aside from my hottie up there ^^), but maybe it gets better.

Did anyone else see the pilot? 0:)

Per diem

2007-01-16T14:26:30Z

It has been four days since I decided:
I shall officially quit smoking.

Four looong days.
Four looooong days.
Four loooooooooooooooong days.

You get the picture.

I don't think I can do this.

A Tribute to My Goblin King

2007-01-09T11:43:44Z

Dear Mr. Bowie,

I ask for so little.
Just fear me, love me, do as I say
and I will be.....

forever,
your slave

A lot of people think my obsession with David Bowie is disgusting or at least, very strange.
They say he's old, he's homosexual, and he's weird.
Well, guess what, people? Love knows no boundaries.

My obsession with Mr. Bowie began at the tender age of, say, four?
He captured my heart when he kidnapped Jennifer Connelly's lil brother. I thought it was a very heroic act, seeing as I wished someone would take away my own then-newborn baby brother. At least, I think that's why I was fascinated with the story. Then again, maybe I just liked mazes and riddles and such.
I do know, however, that, as I grew up, instead of wishing for my very own Prince Charming like every other young girl dreamt, I wished I had my very own Goblin King Jareth.
And I still do, to this day.
Jareth represents everything any woman would ever want. He is loyal; he is desperately and madly in-love; and all he strives to do in life is to make his woman happy by fulfilling all of her wishes.
And let's not forget that his world of mazes consisted of M.C. Esher-esque stairs. Now, there's taste!

But, of course, it's not only His Royal Highness that I want.
It's also Ziggy Stardust and, well, everything that David Bowie represents: the androgyny, the glam rock, and the lust for life.

I remember seeing Ashes to Ashes for the first time. A music video has never made me feel so many emotions in just five minutes. I felt this urge to fly to space to sit with the long lost pirate David Bowie represented in some scenes. I wished that I was the one who had trapped him in wires ala Final Fantasy [ PS games ] to perform my S&M fantasies on him. And when he sat in that one corner of a desolate room, I did nothing but wish I could rush over and comfort him.
And the two of us could just cower in that corner til the end of our days.

So with this undying statement-in-a-blog of love, I wish you, my dearest lover, a (belated) happy 60th birthday.
Wow, you're as old as my dad now! Not that I'm striving to love a father figure or anything.
But as I said earlier: Love knows no boundaries. No age. No nothing.

I love you.
And I wish you would take ~~my lil brother~~ me away.

Love

2007-01-07T01:48:30Z

Jurassic years ago, as Lyanne put it, I was in-love with a boy named Carlo.
Those same jurassic years ago, I told myself I wasn't; that I only told myself I was in-love to justify losing my virginity to him.

Of course, before Carlo, I was very much in-love with a boy named JC.
But, now, my question is,

Well, now, eons into the future, I finally have an answer.

I now realize that I never loved JC. I was too young to love JC.
And although I hated my parents for always telling me I was too young for anything at the time, they were right.
I could look at pictures of JC with another girl today and not care. My heart won't even slightly flutter at the sight of him.

But when I see Carlo, my heart stops every time, without fail.
When he dated this girl named Ina, I referred to her as "Putang-Ina" [get it?]. I went ballistic.
And when I saw his pictures at the recent high school reunion, I thought I was gonna die coz I didn't make it over to Manila for it.
That's how I know I was in-love with Carlo.

After all these years (three and a half years, to be exact), I still feel my heart break at the mere sight of him or the mention of his name, and I still try to imagine how different things would be if I hadn't cheated on him or if I had chosen to go back to study in Ateneo.
Would I have been happier?

It pains me that something inside of me whispers "yes" when I ask myself that.
What pains me even more is that there is no way I can go back and change my mind.

Bangkokian Beauty

2006-12-07T07:47:48Z

I haven't been here in sooo long.
Apologies.

Anyway, last night, dozens of people were taking pictures at a snowy-like area at Siam, where fake, snowy reindeer and a huge metallic blue Christmas tree could be found.

Side note: Bangkokians need to come up with fake snow that doesn't glitter, to make it more real. I mean, seriously.

Ahem. "Parapapampam" was playing on the speakers. [I have no idea how that song goes or what it's called, but you should know which one I'm talking about.] And right in front of the whole snowy scene, there was an old, homeless man, sitting on the pavement. He was barefoot. Clothes torn. And every time someone took a picture, he'd give a thumbs-up and smile the biggest smile in the world.
And, as Incubus would ~~say~~ sing, "At that moment, I felt happy. HAPPY."

At that same moment, I have no idea why, I wished I had my video camera with me.
All of a sudden, Ricky Fitts [from American Beauty] didn't seem like such a nutcase to me anymore.

Enter Ricky's monologue:

"That's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid... ever.
Video's a poorexcuse, I know. But it helps me remember.
And I need to remember.
Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

And that's how I felt. I saw beauty in that homeless man's smile.
And fine, so maybe it's not as amazing as a dancing plastic bag, but it was damn right close to it.

A few minutes later, an American guy gave the man 50 dollars.
The man looked at the bill in disbelief and for a second, I thought he would jump up and kiss the guy.
But the guy had gone.

Then, two Indian guys, who looked like those two Indian "models" in the current Amazing Race Asia [I strongly believe it was them!], passed the homeless man.
He gave them a thumbs-up.
The guy who looked like Prashant [or maybe it was Sahil... whatever] gave him a mock thumbs-up and they guffawed as they left.

I whipped out my shotgun, and shot them in the head.
Or so I wish.

Tonight, there's ARA on AXN.
May Prashant and Sahil be eliminated!!!!!
I actually have nothing left to lose.
Both Filipino teams were the first two teams to go. 0=c

A Scanner Darkly

2006-10-22T06:53:00Z

"What does a scanner see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does it see into me? Into us? Clearly or darkly? I hope it sees clearly because I can't any longer see into myself. I see only murk. I hope, for everyone's sake, the scanners do better. Because if the scanner sees only darkly the way I do, then I'm cursed and cursed again."

I have once again been WOW-ed three times.
[1] School of Rock
[2] Dazed and Confused
and now,
[3] A Scanner Darkly

If you haven't seen A Scanner Darkly [based on the novel by Philip K. Dick], you have not lived, I tell you.

Based on the world supposedly seven years from now [2013, for those slow in Math], a new addictive drug, simply called "D" is spreading across the world.
"D" which could stand for depression, drugs, dilemmas, and lastly, death.

I guess I love the movie because I can relate. I can relate with the drug abuse, not because I abuse drugs myself but because I have so many ~~friends~~ acquaintances who are hooked onto these substances. (I am not talking about Marijuana here. Marijuana shouldn't even be considered a drug, geez.) I am talking about hash, speed, cocaine, heroine... I know so many people who are destroying not only their lives, but the lives of those around them by abusing these drugs. They use up all their money, put all their relationships at stake, all for drugs. Drugs that will ultimately lead them to nowhere.

Robert Downey, Jr., who is in this movie, went through rehabilitation himself.
And I look up to him for appearing in this movie that shows youth (and everyone else) how harmful drugs can be.
I don't think the world understands exactly how bad it can get yet and hopefully this movie will open their eyes.

From the beginning scene where Rory Cochrane hallucinates and sees bugs crawling all over him [he even jumps into the shower and saves bugs in a jar to show to his friend, only to end up at the diner with an empty jar!], it's a definite headtrip, too, I must add.
I had to rub my eyes five times to make sure I wasn't high myself.

Check out the pictures of the great animation done in the movie. Props to Linklater. Props, props, props!!!

^^ movie posters of the awesome movie ^^

^^ pretty easy to guess who that is, huh? ^^

^^ and i need not introduce this one either, huh> ^^

Most people have no idea what they mean when they tell someone about to enter rehabilitation: "I hope you make it."
It makes no sense. You have to go through it to understand that it seems like you will never make it. That your so-called "re-assuring" words are exactly the opposite of that.

"Make it? Make what? The team? The chick? Make good? Make do? Make out? Make sense? Make money? Make time? Define your terms. The Latin for make is facere, which always reminds me of fuckere, which is Latin for to fuck, and I have been getting jackshit in that department, as of late."

I've done my share of drugs.
I've abused my share.
But I thank God that I haven't had to go through anything too serious.
I thank God I'm alive.

White Fluffy Clouds

2006-10-04T18:56:50Z

Choose a band/artist that you love♥
And answer only in song titles or lyrics by that band/artist.

I choose:

Male/Female?
Southern Girl.

Age?

Never act my age. You can tell by the lines in my smile that I have been around for awhile.

Describe yourself.

I'm over my head. I need a pick-me-up.

Describe your life right now.

This party is old and uninviting, participants all in black and white.

How do you think people feel about you?

You crawl in bed, it's 3am. You smell of wine and cigarettes. A butterfly under the glass. You are beautiful BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

How do you feel about yourself?

I am bottled, fizzy water, and you are shaking me up.

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend.

Don't have one, but: I want you bad! I understand why they say high school never ends.

Describe where you want to be.

I'm floating down a river. Oars freed from their holes long ago. Lying face up on the floor of my vessel. I marvel at the stars and feel my heart overflow.

Describe what you want to be.

Higher than the heights of what we often think we know.

Describe how you live.

Isn't it weird that a privilege could feel like a chore?

Describe how you love.

Two people touching lips, hands on each other's hips, nothing else in the world but one another.

Describe your best friend.

I'm cautious of who I would call a friend. Who you acquaint is who you are.

Describe your job.

It's you I admire: my living example.

How has life treated you so far?

My only consolation is that this could not last forever.

Describe your mother.

You could see me reaching, so why couldn't you have met me half-way? You could see me bleeding and you would not put pressure on the wound. You only think about yourself. You better bend before I go on the next train to Mexico. You could see me breathing but you still kept your hand over my mouth. You could feel me seething but you just turned your nose up in the air.

Describe your father.

Something infinitely interesting.

Describe where you see yourself in the future.

Picture perfect, it's a pearl.

Describe how you want your life to be in the future.

Better than watching Gellar bending silver spoons, better than witnessing newborn nebulaes in bloom.

What would you like to have?

Your lover's lips. Lol. Nah. Turbo Geek.

Something you still need to accomplish in life.

Seduce a stranger.

Share a few words of wisdom.

Experience the warmth before you grow old.

Final words?

I'm making a choice to be out of touch. Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world.

Oooo. That was fun. 0:)
Comment with your answers. 0=D

My Golden God

2006-09-23T13:48:25Z

So I watched this movie last night and I have fallen in-love with it.

Cameron Crowe is officially my number one idol.
I have this thing, in which you WOW me three times and I officially love you.
And well, Cameron Crowe has given me a three times WOW:
After his book and movie Fast Times at Ridgmont High (WOW one) and the awesome Lloyd Dobler = LOVE movie, Say Anything (WOW two), Almost Famous was WOW three.

It's too bad, though, that Brad Pitt backed out of the role of Russell Hammond and that because of cast changes, Kirsten Dunst no longer got to play Penny Lane.

♥I love that Crowe chose the name "Penny Lane" [from the Beatles' song].

♥I love how Mike McCready [Pearl Jam's guitarist] played guitar for Stillwater's tracks.

♥I love how they leave a tiny tribute to Buddy Holly [who died in a plane crash] by having Russell sing "Peggy Sue" during the plane turbulence scene.

♥I love that shirt that kid wears that says "To be a Rock and not to Roll" [from "Stairway to Heaven"].

♥I love how they repeatedly mention Hunter S. Thompson and To Kill a Mockingbird in the movie.

Cameron Crowe started taking journalism seriously when he was 15. Same as me. 0:)
Ok, fine.
So maybe he started with Rolling Stone and all I started with was Candy. But still. As the Thais say: "Same, same." Lol.

I am a Golden Goddess.
And Cameron Crowe is my golden god ♥

Start of a Revolution?

2006-09-20T08:15:18Z

I was working backstage yesterday since 8a.m. for a French music video for a French R&B duo called Tribal King.
They shot their video here, where the girls wouldn't be swooning over them [apparently, they're on Top 1 in the French chart].
We were supposed to end at 11p.m. But we ended up ending at 9p.m.

I made my way home, went online, and turned on the news channel behind me.
And at around 10:30p.m., there it was: BREAKING NEWS: TANKS ALL OVER BKK. On CNN.
And Thailand is hardly on CNN.

So, yes, there have been, like, what? 45-ish coups in the past here in Thailand, apparently. [i wouldn't know, i'm not from around here].
But in the past 15 yrs, there hasn't been a single one. Until now.

And last night, there were tanks around the streets everwhere and armed soldiers at every soi.
I was shocked.
The army wanted to overpower the Prime Minister, Thaksin Shinawatra.
Funny thing is, Thaksin's not even in Thailand. He's at the UN in NY.

Still, it was said that people on the streets were in danger.
People eating at restaurants were being pulled out and told to go home.
There was turmoil on MSN.
My dad, having rocks in the head [last night was the only confirmation i've received from him ever], decided to go out with his friend to look at the tanks.
He wouldn't let anyone stop him. Out he was by 11p.m.

By 11:30p.m., announcements were made that no one was to leave their homes.
That classes were to be closed the following day and that the new curfew was to be 5p.m. [meaning: no people on the streets by 5p.m.]
My friend was worried that her dad hadn't come home yet. And somewhere, my dad was out looking for the tanks. .....Men!

By midnight, I had passed out of exhaustion from the whole day.
But I made sure I told everyone I loved that I loved them before I dozed off.

I woke up with my cellphone still in my hand and zero baht as credit.
It is now the following day.
No one has died. No one has been hurt.
The PM is ~~on his way back to Bangkok~~ in London [WTF].
And my dad? He's still out there. Whether looking for the tanks or not, I have no idea.

But please... Pray with me that everything will be at peace.
I don't think I'm ready to see blood on the ground, despite all the dreams I've had to be part of a meaningful Revolution.

To the One I Like

2006-08-19T20:36:10Z

I've been MIA, yes.
But I've been so caught up living life for shit and giggles, I completely forgot that there was a world beyond my infatuation.
But tonight, I remembered there was LJ.
It's sad how I only remember things like this when I'm at my lowest.
A few days ago, I was so high, I could flash God.
Actually, I was so high, he could probably look up my skirt.
But then the complications of wanting a guy has struck yet again.

I like you.

And not just in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends.
And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it.

I like you.
Very, very simple, very truly.

You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being.
And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it.
I just can't take this anymore.
I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you.
I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels.
I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.
And I know this will probably queer our friendship but I had to say it, because I haven't felt this way in a while, and I don't care.
I like who I am because of it.
And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me.
But God, I just couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by my gutfeel is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that.
But if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds.
>insert-his-name-here<, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting to remind me of.

If you're reading this, and at the very end of it all, you finally realize that it is, in fact, you I am talking about, send me a text msg and let me know what I'm supposed to do about this.
Because really:

I like you.

And I just had to get this out of my system.

Tingling and in Knots

2006-07-22T23:20:56Z

You asked me, "Does he make you tingle?"

I didn't answer.
I didn't answer coz I didn't know whether you still cared.

But I meant to nod.

"Why does he have you in knots?" you asked.

I shrugged my shoulders.
Again, I didn't know whether you still cared.

But here's the answer to that now:

--whenever we're walking together and I fall behind (coz of my short legs), he asks, "Are you alright?" and then falls behind with me

--when it was raining, he wrapped me up in his jacket and asked me, "Are you warm enough?"

--when he saw that I was stressed out, he asked, "Do you need a cigarette?" and then he lit it for me and waited til I finished it under the cover of a bridge, so I could finish it in peace

--when he saw me shiver in his jacket, he hugged me tight and asked, "Still warm and dry in there?"

--he gave me a pocket knife to defend myself with before I got into a cab alone and took an extra ten minutes making sure I knew how to use it

--he tells me I look cute when he thinks I look cute; he doesn't keep the thought to himself

--he winks at me from across the room

--he holds my hand when we're in the cab and squeezes it for reassurance

--he broke my sexband, handed it back to me and said, "We don't have to, if you don't want to" then he melded it back together, wore it, and said, "You break it when you're ready"

--his kisses are soft and sweet, and they don't necessarily need to lead to sex

--he sings cheesy songs to me like "Stars are Blind", "I Knew I Loved You", and "Incomplete"

--he insists I order "girly food" just because he wants to eat girly food himself

--he points at broken glass on the floor so I won't step on it ala John Cusack <3

--he always asks me about what I want

--he apologizes after doing something wrong, and then makes up for it in the best ways possible

You never did any of that.
And that's why he makes me tingle.
And why he has me in knots.

And you just no longer do.

Filipino Pride, Baby!!!

2006-07-12T22:30:58Z

Have you ever wondered why Filipinos don't look very Asian, sometimes?

Well it's your lucky day because I'm gonna tell you that

We all know mixed breeds are flippin' sexy.....
Well, different ethnicities actually make up a Filipino.

The original inhabitants of Philippines were black midgets called Negritos.
They are now referred to as "tribals" because they live in tribes in the mountains, away from technology and junk.
(yes, they're still alive -- thus, the term, taga-bundok). These are the people we refer to when someone doesn't know how to use a gadget and we say "Ah, wala kasing ganyan sa bundok eh."

Anyways, the Spanish (Magellan and them) came by and were like "Que, midgetos negros! Letso havo sexo with themo."
That means they wanted to hook up with the black midgets.
So BAAAMMM!!! Half-Black and half-Spanish!

Then the Chinese came and they said "Ching ching chang, we wanna stick 3-inch wang" since we were a sexy mix of black/Spanish.

So there you have it:
half-Chinese, a quarter Spanish, and a quarter black.
Filipino.
Sexy.
Best.

Summed up,
Filipinos have the Chinese mind,
the Spanish charm,
and the Black penis.

WAHAHAHAHAHA!
Or, in a woman's case, a black chick's ass.
Check mine out. See what I mean. 0;)
I hope I made you smile, lovelies! <3 I don't think you miss me enough.

The Wind Beneath My Wings

2006-06-18T20:06:18Z

Today (well, yesterday, technically) was a celebration for the greatest man on earth.
There can only be one Antonio Venus Rodriguez and I am the happiest daughter anyone could ever have because I was blessed to have him as my daddy. 0:)

Not only was it Father's Day to many, but it was also my daddy's birthday.
And it wasn't just any birthday, it was his 60th Birthday.
Yes, my daddy is now a senior citizen. Discounts galore! Haha.

We had a huge surprise birthday party for my dear daddy at Conrad Hotel (where my gorgeous Agata lives).
When he walked into the ballroom, filled with over 150 people, he had tears in his eyes that he could not hide.

Everyone knew how much my dad dreaded his 60th birthday: the finality of being a senior citizen; knowing that retirement is just around the bend; realizing that his kids are getting older. I knew it most of all. Because although I pretended not to notice, five minutes before midnight, he was staring at the clock, as if trying to make time stop, so that he could be 59 forever.
So, on the main cake (he got several), it said: 18 June, 1996. Happy 50th Birthday! And we had five candles, which he had enormous difficulties in blowing out. Lol. Of course, it was my favorite (chocolate) cake, not his (cheesecake). He loves me that much! <3

This is my dad with the dance group "Susan's Angels".
They dressed up as Sexbomb Dancers and danced that song: spaghetti pataas, spaghetti pababa.....
And then my dad went and danced the otso-otso dance with them. I almost died of laughter!

Check out the sign; it's so hip! 0;p
Eat Bulaga. Haha. "Amba Tony". Hahahahaha.
We did that, so he would feel much younger. It worked! I've never seen him so lively!

Dude, one of these chicks jumped out of a balikbayan box!
The box had a huge red ribbon on it and I was like: "There's a slut in that!"
Surprise, surprise! I was right. Unfortunately.

After some yummy champagne, we had dinner.... and then I suddenly got called on-stage!
After loads of interview-like questions: "What's your name?" "How old are you?" "What school do you go to?" "Do you have a boyfriend?" (WTF!), there came the big question: "What do you think of Amba as a father?"

.....And I bared all. In front of 150+ people. Thank God I'm born for the public, so I didn't have stage-fright or anything. I stood there, with tears welling in my eyes, my mum crying her brains out, my brother dreading what was to come when I finished, and everyone grabbing napkins at the awww-ness of my on-the-spot speech. I blew them away. I ended with: My friends call me Angel. But I wouldn't be one without my dad. Of course, without him, I wouldn't be in this world in the first place. And without him, I wouldn't be able to fly high. Coz he's the wind beneath my wings. (Naks. Bear in mind, that was impromptu.)

And, as my younger brother had feared, he got called on-stage.
I thought he was gonna cry. Or worse, barf. Or maybe even die.
They saw how shy he was, so they let him go without saying anything.

Now I'm home.
My parents are at the hotel, possibly making another baby. Hahaha.
Damn. Actually: Scratch that! That's a scary thought! No wonder I can't sleep!

The Year 2006

2006-06-15T15:21:21Z

Ok.
So... I'm trying to get over my ex.
Well, he wasn't my ex before tonight, technically, but now he is.
A friend of mine saw him making out with another girl last night.
And now, he's not even spending his fucking bday with me.
*cries brains out*

So, here's something that kinda helped me forget the shit I'm in.

1. You go to a party, sit down, and take pictures.
    When you get home, you post your pictures on MySpace, Friendster, Hi5, Multiply, Xanga, LJ, or wherever.

2. You haven't played Solitaire with real cards in a while.
    Maybe even in years.

3. The reason you haven't stayed in touch with your friends is because they don't have an e-mail address.
    And you just can't be fucked to write a letter.

4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button.

6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.
    Either that, or watching TV. Or clubbing with friends.

7. You read this, and keep nodding, smiling, or laughing at the truth of it all.

8. You call chatting "socializing".
    And browsing through MySpace "meeting new people".

9. You were too high to notice number five.

10. You actually scrolled back up to make sure whether there was a number five or not.

Ok. That didn't help.
At all.
Someone, bring me out of my misery! 0=c

Independence Day

2006-06-12T12:03:12Z

Today, the Philippines celebrates its 108th Independence Day.
Independence from what? I have no idea, really.

Talk about national pride and loyalty.
Someone fill me in, please!!!

All I know is that I was able to wear a cute lil new barong-style outfit, with a Chinese twist to it.
Check out my display pic at my MySpace. 0:) Haha.

On the plus side, it is also a celebration of another Independence Day.

Meaning, I have been learning to cope on my own for exactly a week now.

* I have allowed no man to tell me what to do within this past week.
* I have said "NO!" to men more in this past week than I have in the last month.
* I have not initiated a chat conversation with a man this past week, nor have I called any man, nor did I send any men I'm-bored-entertain-me text messages, either.
* I have not once this week had the urge to french-kiss or fuck a man this past week. (For the latter, granted, I have my period. But still.)
* I have spent all my money this week on myself, and myself alone.
* I have hung out with different men this past week to rid myself of the man I am trying to free my mind from.
* I have admittedly had the urge to call him, text him, or see him. But I fought the urge. And I fought it well.

I have quite a knack at making myself sound good and making people proud of me with my words.
But the loneliness is killing me inside, to be honest. 0=c

Even the Philippine Independence Day Party at the Embassy wasn't much on my part.
I ended up retreating into my dad's office to re-watch Moulin Rouge for the gazillionth time. (I can recite the whole movie now, even while it's not playing.)
After the movie, I fell asleep on my daddy's enormous couch.

My thought when I woke up?
"I should text him and say Hey, guess where I fell asleep today? The couch on which we broke up."

Pathetic is me.

The Lil Apple

2006-06-05T19:47:08Z

My friend Susie is currently at my birthplace right now.
That's right. She's in Virginia, U.S.A.
"Hey, Pops! When was the last time I was there?
Ohhhh. Fifteen years ago. Riiight."
Ahem. AHEM. Cough. COUGH. Hint. Hint.
Geez. When was I last on a real trip?
Not a roadtrip or a trip-to-the-beach trip. A trip-trip.

Sadly, there's hardly any exaggeration in that.

I have been alive for exactly nineteen years and two months.
The last trip I remember taking was my trip to Los Angeles, when I was twelve.
I got my first period there. But that's beside the point.
After that, we lived in Manila for three years. Never left. I've never even been to Boracay; that's how sad my life is.
Then we moved to Bangkok, where we reside now.
I've been to beaches here, thank God. But I haven't left Thailand!
It's sad. Coz I kept complaining about how much we traveled when I was a bit younger.
Now I yearn for it with every fibre of my being.
"Every fibre of my being?" Too much Shakespeare, love.

I want to go somewhere I've never been.
I want to see the pyramids of Egypt. I want to go to Venice. Or Mantua. Or Florence. Or Rome. The Vatican City.
I want to go back to London or Paris or Salzburg and actually appreciate it this time.
How could they expect me to appreciate all that cultural stuff at the tender age of nine?
All I wanted to do when I was nine was catch the Backstreet Boys' next concert. Haha. Sad. But true.

I am jealous of Susie. More than I really should be.
While my vacation consists of volunteering at dog shelters, accompanying models to castings, scouting for potential talents, drinking Starbucks, and lazing around the rest of the time, Susie will be touring the U.S. of A.
And she is going to The Big Apple next week.
That's New York, for the innocent.
I won't even be visiting any Lil Apples. Even just Singapore would make me friggin' happy right now. Or fuckin' Koh Phi Phi! Fuckkk.

Anyway, do you know what's going on in New York this month? Right this very moment?
Spiderman 3 is being filmed there!!! Dammit. Talk about luck. Her timing is just perfect.

Remind me to shoot Susie when she gets back.

I need to vent with a Venti.
Rhumba, preferably.

Born in 1987

2006-05-31T17:11:42Z

Do you remember the days when you blithely moved on from day to day?
You know, those days before you hated your mum and turned into a rebellious teenager?
Yeah? Well, I hardly do.

It's scary how simple phrases can trigger entire memories.
These following things made me grin at the memories of it all.

Ending sentences with "PSYCHE!"
~ I still do that, actually ~

"Miss Susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell.
Miss Susie went to heaven, the steamboat went to hell.....
.....o operator, please give me number 9
And if you disnconnect me, I'll kick you from behind.....
.....the 'frigerator, there was a piece of glass.
Miss Susie sat upon it and broke her little ass.....
.....k me no more questions, please tell me no more lies.
The boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their flies.....
.....are in the meadows, the bees are in the park.
Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K... D-A-R-K... D-A-R-K... dark... dark...
Dark is like a movie, dark is like a show.
Dark is like a tv set and this is all i know!!"
~ Haha. Yah. Those chicks in Hot Chick were 90's Kids. 0;) ~

Kurt Cobain, 2Pac, River Phoenix, Selena, Princess Di.
~ Remember when they died? ~

Take That split up. So did the Spice Girls.

"Woah!" From Bill and Ted.
~ Hahaha. Can you believe that was Keanu? ~

It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
~ Yeah. Duck Tales. Tiny Toons. Ahhh. ~

There was Play-Do. But still, there was begging for some GAK.
~ I put that shit in my brother's hair. Lol. ~

Remember reading "Goosebumps"?
~ Reading. Not watching. Yeahhh. ~

Plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
~ 0:) ~

Dancing to "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls.

The craze, and then the banning of slap bracelets, slam books, and POG.
~ Cheap and simple. ~

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence.
~ .....not! ~

Listening to the radio all day long just to record "Your FAVORITE song of ALL time".
~ Which was, for me, "It Must Have Been Love" by Roxette. ~

Everyone wanted to be a character in Mortal Kombat.

Transformers. GI JOE. Barbies. TMNT. Power Rangers.
~ If you don't know what TMNT stands for: DIE! ~

Super nintendos became popular.
~ And Gameboys were huge in size. ~

Wanting to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos.

Home alone 1, 2 , and 3.
~ When it was still Macauley Culkin! ~

"I've fallen and I can't get up."
~ Ahhh! Family Matters!!! ~

M.A.S.H. notes.
~ I still did this with metallic_blue when I was a HS senior. ~

New Kids on The Block were cool. So was MJ.

Knowing all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell".

Tamagotchis. Bringing them everywhere.
~ I cried when my first one died. ~

The original Care Bears and My Little Pony.

All school supplies were "Lisa Frank".

New Beanie Babies and tickle-me-Elmo were always sold out.
~ Alex, give me your tickle-me-Elmo! PLEASE!!! ~

Wearing stick-on earrings on the corners of eyes.

Wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
~ And getting slime-splashed! ~

Knowing the Macarena by heart.
~ Hell yah! ~

"Talk to the hand!"
~ 0;p ~

Pee-wee Herman movies.
~ "I know you are, but what am I?" 0;p ~

Dreaming to be on a Nickelodeon game show.
~ Legends of the Hidden Temple and Figure it Out! ~

Light up sneakers were cool.

VHS, not DVDs. Walkmans, not I-Pods.

Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

It pisses me off that people under the age of 15 claim that they're a 90's Kid.
I mean, if you were born between 1990 and 1999, that doesn't mean you're a 90's Kid!
It just means that you were born in that time. Do you even remember what was going on in 1999?
I know I was touring around Los Angeles and Las Vegas and left Germany during that time.
If you were, like, five at 1999, you're a Kid of the Millennium or something. You're just living your time NOW.

*breathes* Anyway.....
Who would have thought the 90's would be so missable?

Let the Anj begin!

2006-05-24T20:59:52Z

I'm feeling extremely gay.
Not happy gay. Loser gay.
Feel free to giggle at my nonsensical gayness.

What's my favourite film?
The Lord of the Rings: The Angellowship of the Ring! Hahahaha.

What's my favourite song?
Losing My Angeligion! Hahahaha.

What's my best friend's movie?
The Felixth Sense! Hahahaha.

Use ASSOCIATE in a sentence.
"I walked into the bathroom and associate in the toilet." Hahahaha.

Use HOSTESS in a sentence.
*picks up phone* "Hello? Hostess?" Hahahaha.

Use CHICKEN, NOT BREAD in a sentence.
"My sister cannot swim, so when she jumped into the pool, chicken, not bread." Hahahaha.

I guess those last ones were specifically for Pinoys only, eh? Oh well.

To end my entry of gayness, I have a pick-up line to share with you. 0=D

"Do you work at Subway? Coz everytime I see you, I get a foot-long!" Hahahaha.

Ok, ok. I'll stop now.
I shall leave you in peace. Amen.